Don't Tell And We Won't Ask

untitled.

2009-05-28T23:36:00.002-04:00

i am a bean counter. a wack-a-mole. a kid in a pen, a con in a cell. i'm a thousand stupid metaphors that sound ever so profound until the moment they hit the air. i am, in truth, the guy i recently said i never want to become. but dig just a layer or two down and that guy is already well entrenched. but don't take it personally. my cynicism, my doubt and distrust and bitterness are just the outcome of too many years of various things (people, events, decisions) squashing every attempt i've made at a life of anything other than the status quo. and even now, when there is light on the horizon, i expect a mirage. i keep waiting for the axe to fall, for good old reality to reassert itself, and everything to come crashing down. i expect to be let down or betrayed or disappointed or tossed aside. as i said, nothing personal. just lessons from experience and it's said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. it feels like every time i try to push my horizons i get knocked back to my apparent rightful place. i want to tell the world where to go, but most of the time it seems like it's already there.

Wake Me Up When Winter Ends

2009-02-26T11:00:00.002-05:00

I have a whole bunch of stuff to update y'all with!
A whole bunch of nothing, actually.
My EI claim hasn't been approved (or denied) yet. I haven't bought groceries or gas in several weeks. Once I cover end of month bills this week and home/jamhall rent in a few days, I am officially dead broke, not a cent in my bank account and no more paychecks coming. I was told EI is generally approved in about two weeks, it's been three. I suppose the economic downturn and increase in EI claims Canada-wide is the explanation there. I've already called for (and gotten) help from the food bank, but that lasts about a week and you can only call once a month. Work keeps telling me things are going to pick up in a few days, their main client is just waiting on permits for a new development and then work will get going again... but they've been saying that for weeks. I also have a tax return to do, but not all of my T4s have come in yet. I suppose the upside is rent is covered, so things wouldn't become desperate until April and I should be up and going well enough again by then. Fingers crossed.

Two Steps Forward, Two Steps Back

2009-02-03T20:02:00.003-05:00

It's pretty much solely in the interest of keeping up a more regular blogging schedule that I'm writing today, as there isn't much to report, I'm afraid. Work has gotten no more stable, as a matter of fact I applied for Employment Insurance benefits today. Apparently I can get decent paycheck supplementation unless/until I work over 35 hours in a week, which I haven't done in what feels like forever. However, I won't receive any benefits for about 6 weeks, so I have to hang on by my fingernails for a little while longer. And try as I might, despite giving myself minimal spending money since last summer and budgeting like mad, I seem to be somehow unable to make any serious progress in clearing my debt. It's the 20 ton gorilla on my back.

In other news, the band has just finalized booking a pile of dates, so I'll be busy enough in March to hopefully distract myself from the passing of another birthday. I suppose it's indicative of this generation to feel old at 26 when there's 12 year old Disneyfied millionaires out there and most big new artists seem to be balancing writing their first masterpieces with finishing high school exams. Anyway, after the March dates we're heading to the east coast and back for two weeks, and then spending the whole summer writing like mad, just like last year. I'm looking forward to it.

At this point the band and Candice are the only things keeping me going. Have I mentioned I hate winter? It can't end soon enough.

Hibernation 101

2009-01-17T21:23:00.002-05:00

Did you know January is the Worst Month For Carbon Monoxide Deaths? It's true! So, I'm going to do my part to fight impending scentless oblivion with another blog entry.

The Post-Christmas Winter Season is upon us, and I for one am kind of bored. For the last few months of each year you can console yourself in the face of the incoming slushy onslaught with the knowledge that Christmas and other assorted quasi-related holidays are following shortly thereafter. Even those of us that are older and potentially less prone to holiday cheer can look forward to a wide array of holiday foodage, if not also quality time with extended relatives and the obligatory uncle-making-inappropriate-jokes-at-dinnertime. However with all that now behind us, we are faced with the worst weather the Old Man can throw at us, with no respite until Don Getty's Family Day in February.

I cannot hide that am not a very good Canadian. I can't stand beer, don't have any particular affection for hockey, haven't skied since grade 10, and hit up Timmy's a few times a month at the most, which by now is probably a felony. I admit, I should probably just turn in my passport now.

To make matters worse, we've been hit with a cold snap in the last week or two, and with temperatures barely cracking -20 in the mornings, the concrete industry is on hold until it warms up a smidge. Aka, I've had the last week off work, which is great for my sleeping and not-so-great for my walleting, keeping in mind I also had 2 weeks off unpaid around Christmas. Candice is between jobs at present, having (quite understandably) quit her salon in Guelph, and not starting at her new place for a few weeks. So, broke and prefering to avoid hypothermia, we've been holed up at my place or hers for what seems like several eons by now. We've watched a handful of movies and at least one full season of Whose Line? with 7 more Torrenting presently, played more games of Scrabble and Monopoly than I can count, read Slaughterhouse Five and 1984 (thanks M&D) and planned out the rest of our year(s) repeatedly. The time off has been relaxing, however I'm beyond broke and straining to barely get all the bills paid, which is a frustrating situation I thought I'd finally dug out of at the end of last summer. However all hope is not lost, and I'll probably be working mad overtime next week to catch up.

In other news, band stuff continues to chug along; we have 2 new songs mostly written and lots planned for the upcoming months. My personal dilemma is that any short-term touring puts my job at risk, and without steady work at a good wage I'll never get out of debt soon enough for the band to be able to reach full-time touring mode. However if we wait until my (and Hutton's) debt is paid off we sacrifice the momentum we've achieved up to this point, and we may not be able to build it back up. As Eminem once wisely said, you often get "one chance, one opportunity..." So, it's going to be a very delicate balancing act to get through the rest of this year supporting both the band and my own bottom line, however I have the best of teammates in my lady and my boys, so I'm not too worried. Alas, I'm just going to have to put my full body tattoo project on hold.

I'd Take It All Back, To Start Over Again

2009-01-09T14:07:00.003-05:00

Alright, first post of the new year, let's get right to it.

For starters, I'm not a very good writer. I have a number of friends with blogs that write these big artsy abstract entries, and I guess that's just not me, I just write what's on my mind plainly and that's that. My apologies therefore if it's less interesting or entertaining... I already wrote and scrapped 3 different first paragraphs. Stick to what you're good at.

All blathering aside, here's some of my plans and good old New Years' Resolutions for 09.

-First, regardless of literary value, blog more. I managed once a month in 08, I think twice a month is doable and maybe I'll get around to once a week if I can find any writing talent for cheap on ebay.

-Second, somewhat contradictorily, spend less time on the computer, or rather, waste less time. My behavioral inertia is such that once I fall into a rut of sitting here for any decent period of time, getting away and doing something more useful or productive becomes that much harder. I talked with Candice about putting a timer on/beside my laptop, and giving myself a 1 hour limit unless I'm doing something with a specific purpose. It's probably a wise idea.

-Read more. And articles on digg.com don't count. I believe I included plans to start reading 'classic' literature in a previous blog, part of an attempt to be more culturally well-rounded. I'm off to a decent start this year, I've already gotten through Vonnegut's Slaughterhouse Five, which to be honest I wasn't particularly into. I'm obviously no literary critic, but I couldn't see from that novel alone why KV is so venerated. Anyway, I'm on to 1984, which I never read in highschool, and it's pretty good so far. I've substituted reading while sitting waiting in the truck for watching Prison Break while sitting waiting in the truck, and that takes up a fair chunk of time every week. So I should be able to plough through a good list of books this year. Suggestions for good novels (or nonfiction) are welcome.

-Get back to the gym, even if only once a week. Behavioral inertia is a big factor on this one,.. when I went, I was 3x a week, solid... but as soon as I took a day off, poof- willpower goes out the window and I haven't gone since. I think I just need someone to help my motivation, to light a fire under my ass and not let me get lazy. I don't know why it's so easy for me to be complacent, but I don't want to live like that. As for the gym itself, I'm probably going to just go to classes, just something to counteract the sedentary nature that I've fallen into from sitting and/or lying down for far too much of the average day.

-Get back into eating healthily again. Since slacking at the gym, I've slacked here as well, but it's not that hard, I've just had to tighten my belt in terms of grocery budgeting lately. Now that I've gotten rid of (read: inhaled) all the junk food from Christmas, it shouldn't be too hard to do better here.

-Find new, good, interesting bands. Ill say it straight out- 2008 was a bad year for music, for me. I was disappointed or underwhelmed by new releases by Thrice, Underoath and Misery Signals and haven't found any bands or albums that impacted me as strongly or immediately as Artist In The Ambulance, Define The Great Line, or Mirrors. I guess I just need to look more. My previously favorite bands may not be that way for much longer.

-Practice drums wayyy more! This is probably the most important one, and for some reason it's the hardest for me to make any progress on whatsoever. I moved to the specific house I live in now primarily due to its proximity to my band's jam spot, which is just down the street, mostly so I could have easier access to my gear and less reasons not to practice. I've been here for 4 months now, and I can count on one hand the number of times I've gone to the hall for solo practice. Of anything in all of 08, I'm the most disappointed in myself regarding this. However, I now have plans in place which should help here.

-Declutter, clean and simplify. In the last few years I began to prefer a slightly more spartan lifestyle, materialistically speaking. I simply don't need or want a lot of stuff, I feel like it weighs me down somehow. So this is a minor point, just to continue what I've done in 08 in terms of trimming the fat, so to speak.

-And this one should be obvious- GET OUT OF DEBT! Probably actually the most important of all. I've gone significantly better in the last year or two at budgeting and spending wisely, however I have the consequences of the previous 5 years' worth of unwise money management weighing on me now, and I want out asap. Part of this resolution entails getting a new job in mid-spring with better pay, closer to home, and dumping the budgetary savings right on my loans. I have to face the fact that in all likelihood, it's going to take me the better part of 2 years to clear it all away, with airtight money planning and very little spending cash, but I'd rather be free then, than still digging out when I'm 30, by living less frugally now. The specter of that terrifies me.

There may be more. But these are the big ones. I think I'll probably still have this blog a year from now, so I can look back in 12 months and see how I did. I aim to make Future Me proud.

2008 Retrospective: The Novel

2008-12-30T18:38:00.007-05:00

"Go to the edge of the cliff and jump off. Build your wings on the way down."
-Ray Bradbury

2008 has been quite the year for me. It's been a year of challenges, hard decisions, brand new experiences and contrasts- in my actions, attitudes and circumstances. It's also been the first year I've kept any kind of consistent journal of what I've been doing. I don't mean this blog, as I've been pretty sparse in my entries here, but my trusty old 2008yearinreview.txt notepad file. I'm just kinda lazy (or perhaps not all that interesting) so I've managed to keep it going all year by writing only one line per day, usually point form, of what happened that day. It might not seem very profound but its helped me numerous times keep tabs on where I've been and where I'm going, or want to go. I highly recommend it if you're not the journaling type. Anyway, enough rambling. I'm going to throw down a quick recap of what I've been up to this year and then get on with the usual New Year's Resolutions and plans for the future. Ok, who am I kidding? Brevity is not my strong suit, I hope you've got a comfortable chair.

January
My friends in Dead And Divine needed a fill-in drummer for a tour in the US, and called me up in mid December. I had been band-less for several months, and jumped at the chance. After an 18-hour drive to Tulsa, Oklahoma the tour began, with a band called Oh, Sleeper headlining. Unfortunately the tour had some problems along the way, including poor turnouts and canceled shows. D&D were used to being decently successful in Canada, and going right back down to the bottom rung of the ladder in the States was somewhat demoralizing. We experienced the best that tour poverty has to offer, including sleeping in the van in winter and eating next to nothing. After all that, the D&D van's starter blew. It was coaxed back to life by some sort of mechanic voodoo, but the guy that got us moving said that if we turned off the van it may not start again for good. Long story short, D&D were forced to leave the van running on fumes for 9 straight days until the tour was over. We parted ways in Clinton, New Jersey; the boys headed home and I was picked up for an audition with New York hardcore veterans Shai Hulud. They were about to head out for a month-long US tour (in sold out large venues, quite a contrast) with plans for European and Japanese tours in the works. At last! The success that I had been chasing for years! However after a week working on their songs in Poughkeepsie NY (and MUCH gnashing of teeth and self-debate) I decided to pass on the opportunity- I would have been doing it for the wrong reasons, and I just wasn't into their music (or the drum parts especially) enough. It was definitely one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make, being that close to what I've longed for and turning the other way, but I believe to this day it was the right move. The downside was, I was stuck in New York state, and wound up having to pay through the nose to UHaul myself and all my gear/luggage home. It was an expensive lesson to learn.

February
A few days after I returned home my roommates in Lifestory Monologue took off for a tour of their own and I was left to tend to a mostly empty house. Having quit my previous job for the US tour I jumped back into my old faithful standard of temp jobs, with the intention of trying to find a good one to get hired on at full-time. I worked hauling furniture at an office and shoveling their parking lot, and shunting skids of returns at an electronics warehouse, but evidently my body was bored with the lack of excitement and decided to catch a case of strep throat for the fun of it. In Feb I also made a brief attempt at joining in with my friends in the Lifestory/Skylight crew and their new fad of dance parties at downtown bars, but as you can probably imagine that died faster than Soulja Boy's career.

March
March was a tough month. Having dropped right back into my old habit of wasting far too much time online immediately after returning from the US in Feb, I decided to go cold turkey on my e-addiction and take a solid month off from the internet, mainly MSN, Fiveonenine and Facebook. I used my newly acquired free time to restart my gym routine which I had started the previous September but didn't know enough to stick with. I recovered from the strep and started a temp job in receiving at Now Foods, a health supplement manufacturer. Frustrated with an unending winter, I partied maybe a little too much at my birthday bar night downtown, and later that month got in a fight with one of my best friends, resulting in us dropping out of contact for some time. I also got hit with my first speeding ticket (a big one) in 9 years of driving, and at the end of the month Now Foods downsized and I was let go and had to start job hunting all over again.

April
A certain friend who will remain nameless decided it would be hilarious to hack my cold-turkeyed facebook and write a very sincere but fake 'coming out' letter to all my friends. One should be a good sport about such things, but I had a number of friends not get the joke and several equally sincere emails from people I barely talk to wanting to have heart-to-hearts about my 'situation'... Perhaps the fact that I had been girlfriendless for nearly 3 years aided the ambiguity there. Possibly in light of this, I decided to continue my social networking jihad by getting rid of Facebook and MSN altogether. This idea almost worked but in the end my willpower died faster than... well, you get the idea. More importantly than all that, my parents took advantage of my lack of employment stability and brought my brother and I to visit them on the mission field in Guatemala for two weeks. We had been once before, but this trip was equal parts The Amazing Race and Wild Kingdom as we drove all over the country, visiting Tikal, boating down rivers and visiting a number of other missionary families, as well as the usual touristy side trips. I got food poisoning, ziplined through a forest canopy, and inexplicably got a police escort through a 20km long mountainside construction zone. It was quite the trip. I returned home yet again to an empty house but within a few days had something else new on my plate, setting up at Sundown Studio for a studio drumming session, tracking parts for ex-Race Well Run bassist Dave Whiteside's solo project, The Sun, The Rain, The Appleseed.

May
It was transition time at the ol' Lifestory Haus, as a number of roommates moved out and my friend Jon Elrick moved in for the summer. In early May I got an invite to go try out/jam with a new band Paul had in the works, which I did, and at first didn't think too much of. I had no idea what it would turn into... In the meantime, Jon had a job working up north renovating a cottage for the owner of Reid Homes and got me a few weeks' work as his assistant. The job wound up to be a bit much for just the two of us to handle, so I returned to the now monotonous slog of temp jobs. My days were brightened somewhat by spending more time with Candice, a friend I'd had for some time but never been all that close with.

June
The band I had jammed with a month back began to take shape, and by mid month we had a name- Kingdoms, a full lineup (mostly ex-members of disbanded groups I had previously been in), a rented jam hall, a handful of songs in the works and plans to basically be a 'weekend warrior' band just playing as a hobby. I had no idea what it would turn into... On the employment front, I continued to shuffle jobs week by week and had gotten thoroughly sick of it. I had been told at some point that DZ driving jobs were pretty easy to come by, decently enjoyable and well-paying, so I enrolled in a 2 week training course at Transport Training Centres Of Canada, which was mostly a joke but did manage to teach me enough to pass the road test. I began job hunting yet again, restarted at the gym yet again, and hacked all my hair off.

July
After a few months of hanging out, a number of false starts, sorry excuses for dates and general male-female confusion, Candice and I decided to make things official and my first proper relationship in 3 years got off to its gloriously wobbly start. I had no idea what it would turn into... (fortunately it eventually turned into something awesome, more on that later). The band hammered away at songwriting 3 nights a week and with progress came the seed of an idea that maybe this could become more than just a weekend warrior type project. On the work front, I landed myself a job that wasn't temporary! sort of. It was seasonal, and although the difference was perhaps only semantic it was a regular paycheck for the time being. I was a driver for Compact Sod in Cambridge, delivering skids of sod and bags of bulk soil around Southern Ontario. I got sunburned, I worked long hours and Saturdays, but it was money and as it turned out, money I desperately needed. My months of inconsistent work and near month off for training and job hunting had taken its toll on my bank accounts and credit rating and I found myself swiftly tossed to the bottom of a large hole of debt I'd been digging myself over the past few years, only now with the added bonus of collections agencies calling. I had to face the music- so I sat down for some hardcore budgeting and made a plan to haul myself back up into financial solvency. Oh, and I also started this blog!

(SIDE NOTE: I have to get this published already! Going to have to fill in the extra photo links for the rest of it later. I know I know, you're terribly disappointed. Get over it.)

August
I met Candice's family for the first time during a long weekend trip north, the band continued writing and booked studio time in September to record an EP with Jordan at Sundown Studios (it maybe helped a little that he's in the band!), and booked our first show in KW in October. A 'Coming Soon' myspace was launched, and some hype started to build regarding the band in our local area. The end of my time at the Lifestory house was also coming up soon, and lacking anywhere else in Guelph to move to I put a deposit on a Kitchener apartment, figuring there would be more permanent driving job opportunities there. Irony then reared its hyena-like head and I was offered a permanent job (with a solid raise over the sod gig) in Aberfoyle, which meant twice the commute distance compared to my previous house/job. The extra cash outweighed the extra driving so I took the job. Jon and I (mostly Jon) did some pre-move-out renovations on the basement of the LSM house, and then quite suddenly my home for the past year which had been filled with people (and mess) became oddly clean and empty, and I moved my stuff to what was at the time a quite impersonal, foreign old house in foreign old Kitchener. I was excited for the future but not exactly at ease.

September
I spent the first half of the month at the studio and Candice's when not working (which was extremely slow and boring at the start) so I really didn't get settled in my new place until later in the month. We started promo for the band, making a preview video and launching our actual Myspace site. The band was attracting what was to me an impressive amount of attention for not having music up yet or having played any shows yet. However our first show was being promoted well and looked like it would pretty successful. The excitement was welcome as my day-to-day life otherwise was becoming comfortable and, dare I say, uninteresting for the first time all year.

October
Kingdoms' first EP was finished and we debuted a few songs on the local college radio station the day before its release. As planned, the record was released for free download online rather than pressing CDs to sell at the merch table, as all our previous bands had done. We were banking on the idea that getting it out to a far greater audience online than we could sell it to by our first handful of shows would be more beneficial to the band in the long run than any income we would have gotten from selling it on CD. This hunch would later prove to be mostly correct. The songs turned out better than we expected and we began to make tentative plans for the band to get more serious and hopefully eventually be a full time touring act. We bought our first band van from friends in London and played our first hometown show with a few other new local bands to an over-capacity sold out crowd at the King Street Theatre. In other news, I did another studio drumming session for my old friend Jay Soloduik's solo project and signed up for a new gym in Kitchener with Kingdoms' vocalist Hutton. Work was giving me more hours but my hours were becoming inconsistent and unpredictable- some days I would only work 5 hours, and some days as many as 14. Life with Candice was good, not without some bumps in the road now and again, but we were growing closer and becoming more honest and vulnerable with each other.

November
The free-download record release had paid off- Kingdoms had as much traffic on our site in terms of plays and downloads in one month as our previous bands had taken several years to attain, and we had a solid pile of shows being booked for December. After months of reading about it in news stories and magazines the impending global recession began to actually hit home. Good news- gas prices had been falling for weeks, but bad also bad news- it seemed that everyone's job was potentially on the chopping block. Another impending disaster that had been looming just out of sight hit home- Candice and I had our first big blowout and nearly split up. Not that we hadn't had tiffs before or were bad at conflict, but this was pretty big. The issues that came up were entirely mine, and mostly had to do with my fear of the costs of a truly serious long-term relationship (I had been fine with the benefits, but selfishly had not wanted to really invest myself in things). It was a complicated mess for awhile, and I'll save everyone the sordid details. Unfortunately, this wasn't contained between the two of us and a number of other people either got dragged into things or inserted themselves into the chaos. I honestly wish everything had gone differently somehow, as feelings were hurt and friends were lost, albeit somewhat due to other people's actions or decisions, but it all started because I didn't have myself figured out, and to anyone that was involved in that whole debacle, Candice especially, I am very sorry for that. Candice and I patched things up and committed to working at rebuilding our relationship from the ground up, with real effort and real honesty and I'm happy to say it's been going really well. Not perfectly, but we're not perfect people and we're both learning how to help each other grow.

December
My parents came home from Guatemala for an entire month, and I got a solid dose of good old fashioned family, which I think was needed after a somewhat chaotic year. The car my parents left for Paul and I to timeshare when they moved away broke down and needed some serious work, but we fortunately found an honest and inexpensive place to get that taken care of. It was a busy month for the band, we played 6 shows including a label showcase, two dates with Dead & Divine and two awesome shows with Protest The Hero including opening their Toronto show at the Sound Academy! That show in particular was a highlight of my year, being the largest crowd (3000+) I've ever played in front of. We also joined forces with a booking agent, but ran into some serious trouble with our van on the way to a show we wound up having to drop. After deciding to take some time off in January to save cash for fixing the van, to write new songs and come up with our attack plan for 2009, it was holiday time! I went to more Christmas dinners and saw more relatives than ever, met Candice's entire extended family, ate far too much turkey and chocolate and spent half a week procrastinating on my plan to write this very long-winded blog. And now here we are, 24 hours from a new year that will hopefully be as exciting, interesting and challenging as the one just past. Looking back, 12 months ago I couldn't have possibly predicted half of what would happen this year, so I can't wait to see what unexpected adventures 2009 will introduce. Bring it on!

PS Since this is such a long entry, I'm going to come back in a few days and write my plans and resolutions for next year. It's getting late, I need my sleep!

Know When To Fold 'Em

2008-11-12T22:13:00.002-05:00

Another month, another entry.

I've found I'm just not super interested in keeping a regular journal online so these once-in-a-full-moon posts will have to do. I need to get to bed so I'll make this quick.

My big convoluted gym plan thing was pretty much over before it began. The killing stroke in the end was money. It's simply stupidly expensive to buy that much food every week to eat, and as winter encroaches, my hours at work dip further. Pouring concrete in the middle of winter is just not a full-time thing. I'm not going to get laid off, but it will be soon getting to point of reaching my starvation budget, where I'm only making enough monthly to cover the essential bills (rent/loans/phone/insurance) and food/spending money will be scraps. I'll be calling Chad Tyler soon to learn some recipes for living solely off rice and pasta. (Suffice to say it makes little sense to try to build a house with no bricks, so the gym is going to be an occasional hobby at this point. I also decided my time would be better spent practicing drums [since i want to make a career of that] rather than trying to get huge [which I'm pretty sure you can't make a career out of, barring steroid use{zomg three layers of parentheses!}])

Anyway, if I can make it through the winter without collections agencies sniffing around, next spring and onwards looks very promising, financially speaking. I intend to be completely out of debt by the end of 2009. Some touring may push that back but my ultimate goal is debt-free no later than my 27th birthday, March 2010.
Anyone that reads this is probably well aware of any Kingdoms news I could redundantly fill you in on here, so I'll just say things are good. Shows upon shows are being booked and we have a lot of ideas and plans. Kitchener Dec 6, Guelph Dec 20, hope to see you there.

Oh, and I'm still somewhat of a grinch regarding our upcoming holiday season, but my cold stone heart is warming slightly due to the earnest efforts of a certain lady. We're very environmentally friendly, however: said efforts require less energy than a hamster. And they save my battery.
See you in December.
CT

And So It Begins.

2008-10-06T22:42:00.002-04:00

Alright, I'm going to get started on using this as somewhat of a workout/gym blog. I'm pretty wiped right now so I'm just going to list some stuff out to cover the bases. I'll write a properly worded more interesting entry another time.

Signed up at the gym with Hutton yesterday, went today for the first time. He hasn't done the gym thing before so I had to show him the ropes but he picked up on things quickly. Also met a coworker of his there, and a dude from 519. 519 is everywhere. EVERYWHERE.

I also did my inaugural weekly weigh-in. Drumroll plz:... 173.6 lbs is my starting point. Aiming to gain about 2 lb a week over 24 weeks until the end of March 09, I should be up to about 225 or so, then going into 'cutting mode' to trim the fat, for April/May/June. End goal for July 09 is 200 lbs, <8% body fat. I'm guessing I'm currently at 13-14%, and will probably max out no higher than 18% or so by March.

In order to gain 1 lb you need an excess of 3500 calories. 2 pounds therefore requires an excess of 7000 calories over the course of a week which works out to a handy 1000 cal. per day. My job is relatively sedentary so that actually helps in a way in that my current meal plan of 3500 cal per day probably gives me close to a 1000 cal surplus already. As my weight goes up I'll have to increase the amount I'm eating somewhat, as adding muscle increases your metabolic rate and you burn more calories even just sitting around.

So to get that amount of cals in every day, here's a one day food breakdown.

Breakfast:
-5 XL eggs, scrambled, with 100g chopped spinach mixed in.
-500 mL 1% milk, 2 bananas, 60g quick oats, 30g peanut butter, 1 scoop protein powder, 20mL flax oil = pretty killer shake, actually.

Lunch:
-180g salmon, between 1/2 and 1 high fiber pita
-pretty decent sized block of cheddar or marble cheese
-125g 1% cottage cheese with 100g frozen mixed berries or fruit salad mixed in
-170g baby carrots, 100g vanilla lowfat yogurt for dipping
-150g celery, 15g peanut butter
-1 Litre water

Snack/Preworkout
-250mL 1% milk/250mL water combined, 1 scoop protein (plus dextrose on workout days)
(hit the gym on the way home from work)
Postworkout Only
-250mL 1% milk, 250mL water combined, 1 scoop protein plus dextrose

Dinner
-200g+ Lean ground turkey OR Tilapia (fish) OR Chicken thighs
-1/2 can baked beans
-1 head romaine lettuce, 1 can mandarin oranges, handful walnuts or slivered almonds
-200g mixed frozen veggies
-2 glasses water

Right Before Bed
-125g 1% cottage cheese, 15g peanut butter

This isn't exact but pretty close. Overall plan has been designed for 40% calories from carbs, 30% from protein, 30% from fat (10% saturated, 10% monounsaturated, 10% polyunsaturated), and carbs emphasized at breakfast and after workout for less fat gain.

I'm sure it sounds silly and complicated to a lot of people, but after having worked out the amounts in advance, it's really quite easy and simple. Beyond that, I do all my grocery shopping and cooking on Sunday. I break out all the pots and pans and cook all my fish/chicken etc for the week, then store in the fridge in containers. Come home from the gym, dinner is ready in 4 minutes. Same thing done for lunches, get up in the morning, grab several containers from the fridge, into the lunch cooler and out the door.

The reason I have everything this regimented is basically to make it easier in the long run to stick with it. I've done the gym thing on and off for several years now, and I decided a little while ago that this is going to be the time I do it properly.

I'll go into further unnecessary detail about what I'm doing at the gym next time. Right now it's time for bed.
CT

Telegraph Static

2008-09-24T17:25:00.002-04:00

This is quickly becoming one of those blogs that always begins with "Well I haven't updated in awhile..." but I've come to discover that's for a reason. The reason being, well, I wouldn't say life is boring now, but it is far more routine than I've been used to in the past 18 months or so. And as a result, I haven't felt like saying "everything is just rolling along as expected" every day or two. However that said, I do have a few things to update my loyal following (ha) with.

First, the job change has gone over smoothly. Compact Sod is long gone, and I've now been at Aberfoyle Concrete for about 3 weeks. Overall I can't say I enjoy the job as much as the sod gig, mostly due to a lot of sitting around and waiting. There are a number of large projects we're waiting to start, but the difference between Mr. Wilson sodding his backyard and McMansion Homes starting foundations for a 1000-house subdivision is sodding does not require permits or inspections. I am told once things get rolling I'll be working 50 hours weeks easy, and I'll also get a raise soon but in the meantime I'm lucky to be working 30 hour weeks and barely paying the bills. However we are essentially guaranteed to be working all winter (a fact of life that will test me dearly, I'm afraid- I do NOT do well in cold weather).

I've also now been at my new house for the better part of a month, and that's going alright. The house itself is a little anonymous in vibe, so to speak, everyone keeps to themselves for the most part. But as I've said a million times, I don't plan to be there all that often, so I don't really care that much. I'll be there to sleep/eat/cook/shower so I'm not too put off by the lack of homeishness thus far.

Kingdoms is done in the studio, the recording of our 5 song debut EP went off mostly without a hitch, other than Hutton our vocalist being decently sick the whole way through. Given that, however, his vocal parts came across pretty well. We have our first show booked for Oct 24 in Kitchener and it sounds like it's going to be completely sold out. We're all really excited to finally see this thing get off the ground... (Our site is here, by the way, if you haven't seen it yet.)

Speaking of getting off the ground, I'm restarting (again) at the gym at the very start of October. I've learned a lot about nutrition and workout exercises this year, and I'm making sure every single piece of the puzzle is in place. As a matter of fact, due to the relative lack of anything else worth writing about here, I'm going to turn this (partially) into a workout-progress blog, to keep all the info on how I'm coming along in one place, and also a place where people can see (and hopefully keep me on track towards my goals). I have a number of friends also either starting to work out lately, or planning on signing up (Hutton/Aaron, I'm lookin at you guys) so hopefully we can keep each other motivated!

The only other bit of news is related to the gym, sort of... I've had fairly chronic back pain for years now, which I always chalked up to simply being the inevitable tall-guy-curse, but it's gotten a little worse lately and I finally decided to get it checked out and hopefully fixed. I also wanted to make sure I wouldn't be doing any additional damage by going to the gym, but by the sounds of it I can actually use the gym to work on exercises that will help fix what's going on back there (namely, under-arching lower back, curved-to-one-side upper back, uneven shoulders and extreme muscle tightness between the shoulder blades). And as an added bonus, in another 2 months of work, I can get any physio or massage therapy covered by benefits! I guess there's a bonus to staying at one job for a decent period of time after all.

Letters From Iceland

2008-08-16T11:16:00.002-04:00

It's been a few weeks... Sorry 'bout that. I'll have to make this quick as I have to leave in 8 minutes for a haircut.
So, quick update time!

I have 6 days left at Compact Sod. I got a new job at Aberfoyle Concrete starting on or around the 25th, with a decent pay raise and it's permanent not seasonal, to boot.

I got an apartment in Kitchener worked out, right down the street from the jam hall, so that's a bonus. Decent rent, big place, nice neighbourhood. Only downside is 4 rando's for roommates so hopefully none of them are psycho.

Kingdoms is coming along nicely, we're hitting the studio on Sept 1 to record a 5 song EP which will be released for free download somewhere around the beginning of October. We're currently getting slightly frantic getting all the pieces in place before the first show (myspace/merch/recording/writing/jamspot/van?/booking?/etc/etc) but the end (or the beginning, rather) is in sight.

I have to start packing to move out pretty soon, but I don't have all that much stuff so it shouldn't take too long.

Perhaps I'll add more later today, gotta run to the salon!

Cities and Years

2008-07-24T11:18:00.002-04:00

*Vroom, screech* Hey, get in. *clunk*

So, it's been feast or famine on the work front... Last week I worked almost 60 hours, but this week because of the rain nobody's laying sod apparently, and I've only clocked about 16 hours in 4 days, including having yesterday off altogether. Next week is likely to be insane as everyone tries to catch up. That's just how it goes, so I'm told.

Due to the downtime, I've had a fair bit of extra time sitting around at home this week but thanks to my surrogate mother kicking my ass to be productive, I've done a bunch of apartment hunting and found 4 places to go take tours of, 3 of which are today and all of which are within walking distance of the Kingdoms jam hall. That's right, I'm moving to Kitchener in September. There's a number of reasons... Partially it will allow for better job opportunities, as KW is just way bigger than Guelph and should have more driving jobs available. Partially I'm moving close to the jam hall so I can just jaunt over there for more personal practice time, which I haven't had much of for years, and it's about time I got back into that. Having a relatively regular work schedule and the ability to practice regularly means I can finally make some headway on working toward my eventual career goals. There's also a gym just around the corner I'll be signing up for... and as an added bonus I'll be closer to some friends I've never been able to see often enough in the last couple years.

The only other news of late to mention is I wrecked my thumb somewhat at work on Tuesday, by getting it caught between the truck and the tarp-lifting boom(#12) on the back. It's bruised and swollen and I can barely move it, so I've had to take a day or two off from the gym, but its fortunately not broken, so everything should be back to normal in a week or so, or at least it better be.

Ok, you'll have to hop out here. I'm off to work out the specifics of a 40/30/30 split meal plan at 3000 calories and you definitely don't want to be around for that.

New Endeavours ⅓

2008-07-19T15:14:00.005-04:00

Hey, you made it. Glad you're here, but don't worry about how you got here right now. Today, there's something that needs doing. We're going to be lifting and carrying something together. What is it? It doesn't always have a name, different people call it different things. You can call it whatever you want, but in the end it's always pretty much the same old thing... which right now needs lifting. Sorry for rambling, you know how I get. It's right over here, come on, I'll show you.

Alright, there's a few things to keep in mind here. This item we're about to carry together is pretty heavy. You definitely can't carry it all yourself, neither can I. But it's also as fragile as an egg, a baby, or a wannabe rock-star's ego. We have to carry it together and keep it balanced. If either of us tries to take too much or too little of the weight, it could tip and fall, and you don't want to know what would happen then. Especially with so many people watching us, or waiting to.

Here's the problem, though. I'm really rather used to carrying things myself, you know? My back hurts from trying sometimes but, well, I've tried carrying these before with others and after getting them dropped on my feet a few times, I can't go into something without either getting ready to get right underneath and try to hold it all up myself, or without having an exit strategy subconsciously forming in the back of my head. Six months at a stretch is all I've apparently been able to manage in the last while, but you can always argue whose fault it was after the fact. What? Oh, yeah, we'll be carrying this for awhile, it's not a one afternoon "come help me move my apartment, I'll give you a two-four" type of setup here. Sorry, didn't think I needed to warn you.

Alright, we've got it going. It doesn't get any lighter, but we'll get stronger so it will get easier, in a sense, along the way. All I can say is we'll have to see how it goes. I know I'm not the strongest guy, but I'm holding up my side as best I can. I have been going to the gym lately, remember?

What A Week.

2008-07-18T15:52:00.002-04:00

I've been meaning to get another post written here but my schedule has prevented it. I've worked 50 hours (and I still have a shift tomorrow) plus two days of band practice and two days at the gym. I guess my sched isn't that crazy but it's quite the adjustment after a number of months of inconsistent scheduling and lots of free time.

So far this week I've gotten sunstroke, several sunburns (and since acquired some sunscreen), eaten a fair bit of dirt, manhandled I don't know how many rolls of sod (the skids don't always stay together all that well), and spent lots of quality time in places like Stratford, Kenilworth and Milton. I've learned the secret Mennonite on-the-road salute, gained the ability to distinguish kentucky bluegrass from fescue grass by taste and-... I'm completely kidding. Fescue and KB taste the same.

Band stuff is coming along, slowly but surely. We have 4 songs written, 3 of which are finalized instrumentally, 2 of which have vocals. We're starting to get all the other assorted elements of the overall band 'package' (myspace, photos, merch, recording time) together as well. There's not much to say about it other than that, at this point... Patience is a virtue I'm learning, despite my best efforts otherwise.

In other news, I've been thinking a lot about friendship and tact and knowing what to say/what not to say, and how you would talk to/handle certain friends differently. Everyone has their own ideal way to be dealt with, and this is something I have to make a conscious effort towards as well... Without self-censoring and running what I'm about to say through the 'would I be better keeping my mouth shut' filter, I would be a rather blunt, uncompromising, perhaps rude person, perhaps because that's how I deal with myself. It would just be so much easier to be able to handle people if you didn't have to worry about hurting their feelings or having something taken the wrong way... But if you've ever seen the movie Equilibrium you know rationality/logic at the expense of emotion can sort of negate the entire point of being human, or something like that. My brain is still fried from a week in the sun (I'll get used to it eventually) so I'm probably not making much sense.

Oh, I finally got a paycheck. Only for half a week's work, but the long slow climb back out of financial purgatory begins now. With a shopping spree!!!
...
...
Just kidding. Mostly.

Three days of trucking and I'm already starting to like country music.

2008-07-13T09:08:00.001-04:00

Well my first 'week' so to speak on the job (actually only 3 days) felt like a good all-round run through of how the job will be. First day was super hot and sunny and extremely dusty, as I was out in the fields for a bit; day two started off with some torrential downpourage (downporridge?) for which I was issued an official company rainsuit. Yep, they must really like me... After a day job shadowing an older driver guy who was moving on (and is a walking billboard for why you shouldn't smoke two packs a day for 25 years) they tossed me out in the deep end on my own and it went pretty well. Not too much else to say about the job other than it's decently fun and I get to drive all over by myself with the radio blaring. Oh, and my truck just happens to have the most horsepower and overall badass-ity of all the company's flatbeds. Here's hoping no one clues into that and yanks it out from under me. Thanks for the hand-me-down, Ron!
I have a tendency to ramble on forever when given the chance, and as my last blog gave the Iliad a run for its money, I'll leave it at that for today. Besides, I have grocery shopping, kitchen cleaning, floor vacuuming, furniture dusting and band practice to get to. Oh, the life of a semi-domesticated semi-retired musician...

P.S. I still hate country. As if there was any doubt...

We've Learned Money Matters Most

2008-07-09T13:50:00.003-04:00

44 weeks.
That's how long it's taken me to get a full-time job since moving into the Lifestory house last September. Yep, the better part of an entire year in search of a job I could stick with that would pay enough to cover all my costs, and that would also stick with me and not lay me off randomly (which has happened at least 3 times this year).

After getting tired of that whole game I went to an 'employment counselor' downtown named Nicola. She's actually been a real help and been surprisingly supportive given that her help costs me nothing directly. I guess government programs are good for something now and again... Through her office I was directed to a company called Transport Training Centres and took a 3 week course to get my DZ license. These people told me that there were lots of jobs for DZ drivers and that 98% of their grads got related jobs within 2 weeks of passing the course. Starting wages? Oh, about $18 an hour. Great, I said. Sign me up.

I won't get into too much detail on the course itself other than to say never, ever go to Transport Training Centres for any course, period. Our prof himself said the company doesn't really care about the students or the curriculum: the second they get your money they're on to the next dupe, lather rinse repeat. The books were outdated and had innaccurate information, the photocopies were nearly unreadable sometimes, the in-truck teacher was of very little actual assistance in learning to drive... just a frustrating experience all around.

This frustration was somewhat multiplied when I got back out into the jobhunt and found that there indeed are lots of driving jobs available, however...
-Most want AZ drivers, not DZ.
-Almost all require previous experience. This is understandable, but where did they expect the experienced driver that they wanted to hire got his first job when he _wasn't_ experienced?
-The only jobs that are anywhere near $18+/hr always require previous experience. The rate for new drivers winds up being equal to a top-rate temp job, exactly what I was doing before I gave myself another $3k of debt load to take their half-ass course.

I don't want to sound like an incessant complainer, the job hunt is always difficult, and as I passed my test on June 25th, getting the new job today puts me right on the 2-week mark, so I didn't have to wait all that long. Oh, TTC can use me in their positive statistics now, goodie. I suppose just being tighter on money now (and closer to being flat broke) than I've ever been makes me a little irritable.

As for the job itself, the only other irony is that it's not actually a permanent position. It's seasonal, so come November or so I'll be either job-hunting again or following in my brother's footsteps and going on unemployment for the winter. But, after all the stress of finding it, the job itself seems decently enjoyable and the guy that will be my boss is a pretty decent easy-going dude, as far as I can tell.

In other news, as you may have heard, I'm in a new band, semi-officially called Kingdoms. The lineup is pretty much the epitome of 519 band-member intermingling (for lack of a better term). My brother Paul is on bass (we were both in Skylight Drama once upon a time), Jordan Valeriote of Race Well Run fame is on rhythm guitar, lead guitar is covered by Chuck Brooker who was previously in Take Victory with other former RWR guys, and Hutton (who SatConned me into playing with him last year) is on vocals. We've been writing and practicing as a full group for just over a month now and have 3 songs of our first set of 6 done. We have a lot of plans in store but I won't reveal them all just yet. Suffice to say we plan to appear on the scene with a bang, and my usual impatient self can hardly wait.

One last aside before I head off to the gym:
In the unlikely event that any young aspiring drummers wind up reading this blog, I'll say this. DO NOT BUY DRUMS FROM A CUSTOM COMPANY. When you look at what you get vs. the cost, it's a waste of your money. I have yet to hear a custom kit from any band within 200 miles that sounds like it's worth the money they inevitably spent on it. It's a vanity thing, that's what you're paying for. Forget the multi colored stripes, powder-coated hardware, offset tube lugs and novelty-shaped snare vents. Buy your drums from a company that's been around for more than a few years and isn't run by a couple of kids in their garage. And in the name of Travis Barker, Joey Jordison or whatever drum god you worship, LEARN HOW TO TUNE! It's not that hard.

Ok, one more thing. (I've had a lot of blogginess stored up that I'm venting all at once here...) I've posted a link to this video before on Facebook. But since Facebook doesn't allow embedded videos (well, it might but I have a certain disdain for FB applications) I'll stick it here instead. Mr. Carlin's rant here is more applicable to my occasional American friend, granted... but who cares. Oh, disclaimer for any readers who might be A: sensitive to salty language or B: my parents... Mr. Carlin is a tad vulgar.
Enjoy.
CT.

My Job Here Is Done

2008-07-08T11:11:00.001-04:00

Mornin'...
I haven't written a journal since I axed my Myspace account last year (good riddance) and randomly decided this week it's time for a new one. I briefly considered doing a video blog but I still spend too much time online as it is,.. this seemed a manageable addition without taking a ginormous amount of time to do. However, having now spent an hour setting this thing up, I'm going to wait before making a proper first post- I should get back to job hunting, which is what I'm supposed to be doing today! Don't worry, this will be plenty entertaining (or not) in no time.